Saturday, 22 November 2014

#WIDN.... Kinda. Part 2.

I last filled this #WIDNesque set of questions back in July and thought it'd be something I'd update regularly... But I'm not very good at regularity, so four months later...

Currently I Am: After a cranky morning with Joseph (he was cranky, not me) Ruari and I took him to Folkestone and visited our friends' new record store that they have just opened called Hot Salvation. I am now at my parent-in-laws' house where Ruari is watching the rugby, Joseph is asleep in the travel cot and I have just ordered a couple of mustard hats from Thread The Love... One with ears for Joseph and just a plain bobble hat for me. I am totally obsessed with the colour and not-so-secretly into twinning outfits with Joseph, although sometimes it happens by accident. I am so embarrassing.

Reading: I've been reading a little more than I used to actually, which I am pleased about. Lately I've been catching up on blogs such as Influence (which is actually defunct but still a good read, and author now the contributing editor for Chalk KidsSometimes Sweet is always a favourite too. Physically, I've been (very slowly) reading Russell Brand's new book - Revolution. I know he divides opinion but I find him and his ideas really interesting and I like to watch his YouTube channel sometimes, although watching things on there doesn't come naturally to me for some reason. I also went to the library this week and borrowed these three:

I have read a little of each so far... The one in the middle is beautiful and I like the idea of doing the things that it suggests, but, I dunno, part of me feels too old for it and I also don't want to collect more things as I am trying to de-clutter my house and, well, my life!

Listening to: I enjoy putting on the pop channels on the TV, but aside from that I barely listen to music anymore. It's an embarrassing and dire situation. About a month ago I drove some friends to Thorpe Park and we had nothing to listen to aside from the radio as I was too embarrassed by my in-car CD collection of pop-punk that I am probably too old to be listening to.

Laughing At: Myself. But also dying of cringe. Yesterday, my manager dropped round to my house unannounced at 9am to give me a certificate for a qualification I did pre-baby, and also to give me some chocolates as our team had won some recognition at a recent awards do. But embarrassingly I was in my pyjamas and still in bed in fact, as I'd had a late night and a long night of Joseph's night-waking and awful period pain (yeah, they are back, sadly). Ruari had answered the door, Joseph in arms (he'd gone straight back to sleep after his 7am feed and had re-woken shortly before but I'd not heard him), before he went to work. He invited her in and, and as we live in a bungalow and our bedroom is right there when you come in, my manager saw me in bed and actually came into my bedroom... but the worst thing was that our bed was SURROUNDED by clutter as, ironically, we are trying to de-clutter (but you know how it gets worse before it gets better) and she kinda tripped over all of the clutter trying to get to me in bed to give me a hug. It was the worst thing ever. And I think she smelt my morning breath. God. Did I mention that the time she saw me before last I had brought Joseph into the office to visit her and had dribbled hot chocolate down my face and onto Joseph's head. And the time before that we had lunch together and I'd misjudged a sandwich I was biting on and had a case of never-ending lettuce hanging out of my mouth. I am disgusting. 

Swooning Over: Still Joseph. Every day. 

Planning: What to put on Joseph's Christmas list and my birthday list. I probably should've already put them together and distributed them to family members who want to buy us things, but I haven't.

Eating Lots Of: Nothing in particular but I have just eaten a scone. My mother in law almost always has scones in the house and I can never resist.

Feeling: Well, it's been an emotional couple of weeks of feeling massively inadequate in many ways - as a mother, a wife, a friend, a blogger, a user of Instagram (that sounds even more stupid when I admit that). I've been seriously doubting my abilities to function as a human and have been feeling like there's something profoundly wrong with me to be so stupid, lazy and rubbish-at-everything. But I feel a bit less down on myself today and the negative thoughts in my head, which on some days are really overwhelming, have quietened down a little bit for now. I really have to work hard on keeping positive and keeping perspective on things. 

Discovering: Interior design. I've never really been into design - apart from a brief fling when I was at college - but loads of the people I follow on Instagram are either into it or are actual designers, and I feel like I'm learning a little about it... I am particularly interested also because we've just submitted the plans for our house extension and if they are approved then we will be up to our eyeballs in designing how we want the space.

Watching: The Fall is back on TV and it's the only series (aside from Made in Chelsea) that I watch. Ruari looks quite a lot like the killer (Jamie Dornan) who will also be playing Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey so that'll be interesting to watch- haha!

Wearing: An old cat-print dress with black tights, faux leather DMs from Vegetarian Shoes and a mustard bobble jumper which has a bit of a story behind it... I don't watch Zoella's YouTube channel but when I was considering vlogging I made Ruari watch one of her videos and in it she'd bought a mustard jumper by Louche which I thought was rather awesome. This was a couple of months ago now and in the meantime she has been advertising YouTube and in all of the adverts that have stalked me around the internet she is wearing the jumper! So when Ruari and I were in London last week we passed by a Joy shop and I went in and bought it (even though it was more than I'd usually spend on a jumper)! But, what I didn't realise was until after I'd worn it is that it is bloody hand wash only! GGAAAAAHHHH!!! Whhyyy?!

Cooking: I've been slack on the cooking front lately, mostly due to the exhausting negative thoughts whirring around my head. The thing about those is it that they are self-perpetuating and self-fulfilling.

Wondering: Whether successful people have negative thoughts about themselves and whether by having them I am stopping myself from ever being successful. Also wondering why Joseph has been night-waking again.

Trying Out: Netball, again. I started playing netball for the first time since school about four months before I found out that I was pregnant. Seven months post-partum, I went back this week. And I sucked. Again, negative thoughts telling me that I'm rubbish at netball meant that I wasn't paying enough attention when the ball came to the person I was defending (on multiple occasions). I enjoyed it for getting my heart-rate going and I think I'll go back next week as I just can't imagine myself getting up and going running in the dark mornings and dark nights!

So there we have it! We are going to go home back to our house now where there is house cleaning and washing up waiting for me! Sorry that this has been so negative-thought-based, but it's just what I'm going through right now and if anyone else experiences the same kind of thoughts then I'd really like to hear from you -

Hope you're having a good weekend. x

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Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave a comment. It really means a lot! Nicki x