Sunday, 15 March 2015

Pic of the week: #30


This week has been a bit of a rollercoaster of emotion. Ok, maybe not so much of a rollercoaster, more just a trough, with four out of the seven mornings spent crying into my breakfast and Joseph looking at me like 'WTF?!'. I'm blaming hormones, post-holiday blues, and anxiety about returning to work. Let me address the culprits individually.

Hormones; I'm on. TMI, sorry. That's probably all there is to it. I'm pretty sure they're making me eat more biscuits, sweets and chocolates than usual (which is usually a lot anyway and hasn't calmed since Christmas!) I'm sure the junk food only messes with my hormones more and I kind of feel I need to try out clean eating. I think I'm going to have some fruit for breakfast tomorrow morning.

Post holiday blues; I'm grateful that I got to go on holiday in the first place - Lord knows I had my anxieties about taking Joseph beforehand which hindered my ability to get excited about going - but everything was fine, Joseph was fine, and I really wish I was still there. Who wouldn't want to be lounging by a pool, surrounded by family, eating curry every day and ordering room service in the evenings once the baby's in bed?

Returning to work; I've been bottling up a lot of my thoughts surrounding going back to work for fear of jeopardising my employment status, but I really need to vent. Lots of mums I've spoken to about this matter have said that returning to work isn't that bad nor as bad as you think it's going to be, so I'm trying to believe that's true because millions of mums have done it, right? I've been using up some of my KIT days in an attempt to ease me back into corporate life, but I'm not sure they've really helped. I've written about this before, I'm a broken record like that, but I still feel anxious, and that anxiety is making me question my capabilities and motives, and evaluate my life being raised by a single self-employed mother. Every day my thoughts remind me that my time with Joseph is almost up. Of course it's not really 'up'; I'll still see him every day, we'll still spend three days a week together, we can still go to Water Babies, go on mini adventures and visit friends and family; but it just feels like we're coming close to the end of a really special era, and perhaps that is what I'm having more trouble coming to terms with.

Activity-wise I've kept myself fairly busy to combat my low mood - I met up with a couple of friends and visited my dad and his side of the family in Eastbourne on Monday and Tuesday which was long overdue but lovely, bought Joseph a new car seat on Wednesday which was pricey, worked on Thursday to pay off some of the car seat, volunteered for Comic Relief through work with my brother on Friday night which was fun, tried out a baby rave on Saturday which Joseph really enjoyed, and then saw Grandma and Granny today for Mother's Day today. We steered clear of our usual baby groups and swimming as Joseph had a cold and I guess that may have given me a bit more time to be alone with my thoughts. I don't know.

On that bum note (sorry), I'm going to bed. Let's hope my fruity breakfast will be sans tears in the morning. I need to 'live in the now' more because I know I'll regret wasting the next five weeks feeling anxious.


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8 comments

  1. I'm addicted to bad food too, I've tried to ditch sugar (lasted a week) but it's so, so hard.

    Hope your fruity breakfast is the pick-me-up you need.

    #twtwc

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

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    1. I don't think I even lasted a day! I didn't have enough goodness in to distract me from the badness. My own worst enemy! I hope you're well - will catch up on your blog soon! xxx

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  2. I know what you mean about junk food, I started eating junk again and my mood went back down again. So a new week means back to healthy eating. Hope the transition back to work goes well. I couldn't go back after having the twins and I totally get the anxiety as I felt that waiting to see if my redundancy was accepted. If it is not right for you, you will know which way to go x #twtwc Kirsty from Hijacked By Twins

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    1. Hi Kirsty; thank you for stopping by and commenting. Wow, twins! Great your redundancy was accepted - I will have a good read of your blog when I get a mo. Junk food is the devil but it tastes like heaven! xx

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  3. Hope you feel more on an even keel soon. Be kind to yourself. I honestly found the back-to-work-build-up harder than the reality and S loved nursery. We settled into a new rhythm quickly and the year between 1 and 2 was so magical as she became a toddler and seemed to learn to do new things every day.

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    1. Thank you for your comment; I can imagine it's not so bad - everyone says it's ok. Will be amazing to see what Joseph is like when he's up, about and socialising more! I need to get a grip on a few things I think! I will check out your blog asap! Thank you again xx

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  4. I felt exactly the same going back to work, on my first day I cried in the toilets a lot! It became easier as the weeks went on, the feeling of guilt was hard to get used to but I think I would feel guilty whatever I did. A year later I now work from home as I just wasn't happy in the job. Just be easy on yourself and If you don't feel its right then their are always other options. I really need to start eating better, I'm on a massive sugar fix at the moment and feel awful!
    Becky xx

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  5. I tried to ease myself back into work gently by taking a different role, 2day pw, but the role wasn't right for me so I reverted to fulltime in a role I was used to #pbloggers

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Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave a comment. It really means a lot! Nicki x

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